Self Reflection: Regret Haunts Me

What happens when a person dies? Do their dreams leave with them? Do they just slip away into ether, their presence never to be felt again? 

The loss of life is inevitable. Everyone you know is guaranteed to die, including yourself. Gone from life as we know it, taking nothing with them, leaving mementos that they were once here, that you once shared moments together, in objects and places and inklings. The empty bed, the train to work you shared everyday, the Facebook Memories. All reminders of the moments that were. Evoking feelings of sadness, anger, confusion and regret.

Yet we take things for granted. People for granted. Opportunities for granted. Because tomorrow. Because I got other things to worry about right now. Because...because.

A few days ago some old friends and I found ourselves discussing the death of a friend. It’s been well over a year that he’s passed, and many of us hadn’t had contact with him as he was coming upon his final days. Yet there we were in that kitchen reminiscing about the times we shared with him. Because we all must now live with the feeling of regret that we weren’t there to celebrate the life of a soul while still in his company. One-by-one, seemingly everyone in that room confessed to the realization that we could’ve been there for him when he needed us.

But it’s no one’s fault, often times life requires that we put our heads down and narrow our focus as we do our best to achieve our dreams. Well at least that’s what I tell myself as I try to cope with the fact that I let a friend down. This logic lacks perspective, because far too often have I found myself left feeling disappointed, angry, and confused when I lose loved ones. So much has been left unsaid. Experiences unshared. Stories untold.

But who am I kidding. Life comes at you fast, especially in this big city where you can't help but find yourself caught up in the hamster wheel of life. Before I know it I'll be back on the grind. Then back to wondering how I found myself feeling regret for the loss of another soul.

My wish is that I show the people in my life how much they mean to me before it’s too late. Lord knows, Life is short.