Fear: I've felt it all my life, bestowed at birth, molded over time.
Speak to the dangers of the world long enough and you'll find that those whispers have become thunderous quarrels. This notion seeps into the consciousness of the black youth and plants a seed that will take root if the environment provides adequate moisture. I am no parent so I cannot confirm the effectiveness of such rationale, yet I can see the insecurities it may potentially bring forth when compounded by the disadvantages already produced from years of social engineering. Even so, what is one to do when confronted with the understanding of what little control they have? This form of power is not only being pushed by society, but by our parents as well, as it be your own people.
How does one find something invisible? Seriously, I’m asking for a friend. I always believed I could see the unseen, feel the untouchable. Lies I was telling - boy, was I blind. Why couldn’t I identify something so strong? I suppose that is what power is, a weight that’s so heavy it is incomprehensible, intangible, tasteless and in this case unending. Yet, I should have…that is to say, it has always taken up residency within black communities and internalized since slavery, disseminated as a tool to keep a population of beautiful people in shackles, physically and mentally.
There’s no denying that the black bodies have been an avatar for racial discrimination and gross inequality. We’ve seen the dangers of being black in America, which has laid bare the lack of control we have over our bodies, a cultural sense of powerlessness. Vibrating throughout generations and refashioning itself to work as an effective roadblock to our natural greatness. While American slavery may feel like eons ago, the residue of an ugly history is still present, constantly on display throughout black life, reinforcing the barriers of the being, perpetuating an identification of the Other. The constant search for self-worth and acceptance are symptoms of control.
This form of control has played against our courage and sense of self, resulting in a battle within oneself. Nonetheless, I will say it did birth what I believe to be an attitude like none other, shared among all black people (the “Don’t Fuck With Me” disposition), to accompany a rage that froths within some of us. Sorry white people. Furthermore, I will no longer let this tool of control rule my life, you have no power here. I’ve grown to understand that even though, it is an individual journey, the path is shared. Which makes the struggle oddly beautiful and filled with melanin.